


A Dash of Spite

by Kalikuks



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bake Sale Espionage, Cake Theft, Cheaters Never Prosper, Fluff and Humor, Hanzo Shimada Being An Asshole, Hanzo as Genji's guardian, Lawyer Hanzo, M/M, McCree and Sombra as Half Siblings, Over the Top School Competitions, PTA Rivalry, Romantic Comedy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Whirlwind Romance, Young Genji Shimada, Young Sombra, baker McCree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15851031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalikuks/pseuds/Kalikuks
Summary: Jesse's one goal during the annual back to school celebrations is to dethrone fake PTA Queen Bee Susan.This year, with the help of a handsome stranger, he just might.





	A Dash of Spite

**Author's Note:**

> Whooo! Reverse Bang Fic Number two!   
> Update: Added the link to the artist's post in the bottom notes!
> 
> Things to note: Sombra will be referred to as Olivia through this entire fic, and she's Jesse's half-sister. Genji is being raised by Hanzo

The beginning of the school year is always a hectic time for any parent or guardian.

For Jesse McCree, more so than most.

The first week of the new school year always starts with the Back to School Bonanza. As much as the name sucks, it’s actually pretty fun. For the kids. The parents and guardians use the contests and bake sale to try to one up each other constantly. It can pretty much can create rivalries to last until the end of time.

Jesse considers the current champion five years running, PTA council head Mrs. Susan Scott, his personal ultimate rival. She’s the kind of woman you expect to tell off a cashier and then demand to speak to their manager over a slightly off kilter bun on a burger or something absolutely ridiculous. She’s constantly dying, re-dying and changing up her hair, to the point where its as flat and lifeless as her baking. 

The only constant about her, aside from her absolutely fake personality, is this horrendous scarf she always is seen wearing. Jesse’s pretty sure it was once a very nice scarf, when it wasn’t in Susan’s possession. It just happens to be possibly made out of some long dead animal. That’s the theory at least. Jesse never desires to get close enough to see.

He can’t waste time worrying about Susan currently, anyway.

In front of him, helping him navigate the crowds of the bake sale that happens on the very first day of the Back to School Bonanza, is his younger half sister Olivia. Stoked to be starting third grade, she’s chattering none stop as she leads Jesse to their designated sale table. 

Jesse’s gotta be careful, his tray is heavily laden with blueberry pastries, and even two pies for sale when he realized he had way too many blueberries last night. He’s doing fairly well, considering the hustle and bustle of the day.

“Oh,” Olivia says suddenly, “I heard Mrs. Miller and the Mrs. Andersons talking. There’s gonna be a new kid in my grade!”

“Well, that’s nice.” Jesse says, concentrating on taking careful steps, “You welcome with open arms, yeah? It’s hard startin’ a new school.”

“Of course.” Olivia agrees, “I’ll let them know everything about the school they need to know.”

“Just don’t rope them into trouble.” Jesse says playfully.

“I am an absolute saint, I will not tolerate your sass, Mister.” Olivia scolds, turning back to look at Jesse with a pout.

When she turns back around she does a double take across the crowd of bake sale patrons.

“Oh! That must be the new kid.” she says excitedly.

Jesse turns to look where Olivia is looking. Across the way, balancing a three-tiered tray layered in adorably tiny flan with absolute grace and confidence, is probably the most handsome man Jesse has ever seen.There’s a young kid, looking about Olivia’s age, walking along side and seemingly arguing with the handsome stranger, seemingly very intent on getting his hands on a flan.

Jesse feels like time has slowed and he just might be in some cliche anime scene, complete with the glittery pink background. He supposes that’s just what cupid’s arrow feels like when it strikes true. The stranger just happens to suddenly look Jesse’s way, and Jesse trips over his own feet.

Not the best when you’re carrying a tray of pie and pastry.

Olivia shrieks as she’s suddenly covered in blueberry pie. It’s enough to stop the chatter of the crowd entirely around the two of them, both frozen in place. Olivia slowly turns around and just stares at Jesse before she gestures _what the heck_ at him with a wide sweep of her arms. Jesse snaps out of it and immediately rushes to clean up his half-sister, his cheeks ruddy with an embraced blush.

Just when things couldn’t get worse, _Susan_ herself shows up.

She saunters up with a wide smile, and leans down next to Jesse and Olivia, hands on her knees as she peers at them both.

“A smashing entrance, Jesse.” she says, and then with fake concern, “A shame about your bake sale entry. I’ll just have to remove your team from the fundraiser race today. I hope your entry for the donation drive tomorrow goes better.”

She holds out one single napkin, smiles a big fake smile when Jesse grudgingly takes it. Susan then looks back towards Olivia, and exaggeratedly frowns.

“You better go home and clean up, dear, I heard blueberry stains like nothing else.” She squints and scrutinizes the pie crust still stuck in Olivia’s hair. Susan turns back to Jesse, “Your crust is… flaky.”

Both Jesse and Olivia share a very confused look because of that statement when Susan rights herself and sashays away. The crowd around them has gone back to ignoring the half-siblings and their mess.

“I’m real sorry, Olive.” Jesse apologizes, helping her get blueberry filling out of her hair.

“You better be!” Olivia pouts, mumbling, “So much for destroying Susan on day one. Plus, I was looking forwards to eating that pie if no one bought it.”

“I’ll make ya another. Baker’s honour.” Jesse offers, “I can get the girls at our bakery ta help it decorate it real special, jus’ for you. There’s been a lil’ bit o’ a lull in business, now that weddin’ season is over, and y’know how Lena loves special projects.”

“…Sugar skull design on the top crust?” Olivia asks after a beat of silence, with the faintest of smiles. “And just for me? Promise?

“You betcha.” Jesse offers her a smile in return.

Both of the half-siblings continue to attempt to remove as much blueberry as they can from Olivia’s person, before they figure it might be best to go home and regroup for the night. Before they can leave though, someone tugs on Jesse’s plaid shirt.

Both of them turn to see the new kid shyly smiling at them, holding up two flan in a container. Standing a few feet away, smiling encouragingly is the boy’s guardian, the same handsome stranger who distracted Jesse.

“Hi.” the little boy begins, “Me and my big brother saw what happened, so we thought you’d like some flan to cheer you up!”

He’s wearing some sort of bright green costume with a white scarf, the mask of which is flipped up onto the top of his head. Olivia takes the container from him.

“Thanks. I’ve never had flan.”

“It’s really good, my big brother makes it the best!” He says proudly, “ Oh, I’m Genji, by the way. Shimada Genji.”

“Olivia. This is my big brother.” Olivia prods Jesse’s cheek with a finger, “The big dork who dumped blueberries on me.”

Genji giggles at Jesse’s expense, “If you had any more blue on you, you could be my blue Sentai ranger to go with my green! We’d have the start of a team!”

“Is that what your costume is? It looks cool.”

Genji seems taken aback and he smiles brilliantly, “Thank you! Some older kids said I looked dorky…”

“They’re jealous.” both Jesse and Olivia say in unison.

Genji’s older brother has wandered closer at this point. He’s just as devastatingly handsome up close as he is from afar, dressed up in a sharp suit with his hair down. Likely just come from work to take part in the bake sale fundraiser. Jesse stands up to introduce himself properly.

“Jesse McCree.” he holds out a hand to the elder Shimada brother to shake.

“Shimada Hanzo.” Mr. Shimada answers, taking Jesse’s hand and shaking it with a firm grip. “I am glad to see Genji making friends already.”

“Olivia’s real friendly.” Jesse says with a smile. “She’ll help him get settled.”

They continue the small talk for a little while longer. Jesse learns of the Shimadas recent move to the city and Mr. Shimada’s occupation as a lawyer. Jesse can’t help but brag about his bakery, he got that business off the ground by himself, so he feels he’s due. Eventually though, it’s time to take Olivia home to get cleaned up.

“I know why you dumped blueberries on me now.” Olivia says in the truck, looking over at Jesse accusingly.

“Oh?” Jesse blinks and looks over at her.

Olivia squints accusingly at him, “You got all enamoured-o-visioned when you met Mr. Shimada. And then you dumped our pie on me.”

“Weren’t on purpose.” Jesse says, blushing bright red.

Olivia just pointedly stares at him knowingly until Jesse takes his hat off and smooshes it against her face at the next red light, blueberry stains be damned.

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

Jesse didn’t see either of the Shimada brothers on the second day of the back to school celebration week until early in the evening, when all the carnival-themed booths had already been up and running for a few hours after the school day had ended.

Jesse is manning a double whammy of a booth, idea curtesy of Olivia. No one can resist his southern charm, so a Kiss the Cowboy booth is sure to be a hit. For the little ones, Jesse made a few batches of Haystack cookies to sell on the side. The goal of today is to raise more money than the other booths for charity. Another friendly competition between the school kids, while the adults take more stake in it. Every parent or guardian always has the itch to upstage Susan during this part of the event, with varied results. Jesse’s never won, personally.

Jesse can’t see Susan’s booth, but he can sure hear it. She’s brought her karaoke machine again this year, and if Jesse remembers correctly, the entry fee for it is around three dollars a song. Not as horrendous of an idea as her cookies in theory, in practice it’s destroying Jesse’s hearing. Mrs. Anderson, bless her heart, she can’t carry a tune for the life of her. Neither can her wife, but they sure are attempting Sonny and Cher’s _I Got You Babe._

Olivia had the foresight of bringing ear muffs. They’re an electric purple, and to fit in with their cowboy theme, Jesse’s in the middle of retying a purple gingham kerchief into a huge bow on the top of the ear muffs band. Their booth has slowed down considerably anyways, Olivia’s got their money jar in between her crossed legs as she sits perched on the tabletop, counting their coin and bills.

“What are we lookin’ at, Olive?” Jesse says conversationally as he adjusts the bow to sit properly on his half-sisters head, “We makin’ good headway?”

“We’re about… one fifty-three.” Olivia announces cheerily, stuffing the bills back into the jar, the coins following rather loudly with a cacophony of clinks that is only slightly better than the butchering of a 1965 classic. “Think we’ll beat her this year?”

Jesse only shrugs, because as much as he’d hope to think they’ve got a shot at unseating Susan tonight, that karaoke machine has been going non-stop all afternoon. There’s still a half hour to go before the makeshift carnival is packed up too. They’d need a miracle if they wanted a good lead on Susan and her headache machine.

Of course, that’s when Hanzo makes his grand appearance, with Genji in tow. Jesse can’t help but perk up when he notices Hanzo headed their way, and Olivia only rolls her eyes at her dumb half-brother and hops off the table. She pointedly places the money jar on the corner again, and fiddles with their price list. Their miracle has arrived, not that Jesse has realized it yet.

“Mr. Shimada!” Jesse calls cheerily, waving them both over, “An’ lil’ Genji too! Whatcha dressed up as today, kiddo?”

Genji puffs up his chest proudly from next to Hanzo, grinning up at Jesse from underneath a grey mask with a green visor, “A green cyborg ninja dude!”

“Sweet. Looks sharp.” Jesse finger guns at Genji and turns his attention up to Hanzo.

He must have just arrived from work, because he’s dressed up just as sharp as the other day, only now with a smart charcoal grey overcoat. The fall air is becoming a little chilly, Jesse’s got his own serape on to help combat the colder night as it sets in. He’ll need to ask Olivia if she wants her sweater soon.

“You were right, Hanzo! I do look great!” Genji grins wider at Jesse’s compliment and tugs happily at Hanzo’s coat.

Hanzo gives his baby brother a pat on the head and smiles thankfully Jesse’s way. Seems like the comments about Genji’s Sentai costume the other day left a bad taste in the kid’s mouth. Jesse’s glad to be some form of reassurance for the kid.

Olivia loudly clears her throat and gestures in a grand sweep at the kissing booth, putting on her best smile, and looking as adorable as she can muster, “Can we interest you in our business tonight, Mr. Shimada? One dollar for a kiss or a haystack cookie. Or if you’d like, we got a three for three deal on haystack cookies!”

Jesse blushes a bit but Hanzo laughs softly, “You’ve got a talent for sales pitches.”

“Been competing in this event three years running!” Olivia announces, putting on an air of determination, “This year, we’re going to crush the Scotts and their dumb karaoke machine.”

“Is that that what that screeching noise is? I thought someone was strangling Mrs. Scott’s scarf and I was going to have to call the Endangered Species Coalition.” Hanzo replies without missing a beat, and both Jesse and Olivia have to keep their surprised laughter on the down low for fear of Susan overhearing.

Not that she’d hear over the sing-screeching, who Jesse is pretty sure is the Millers.

“No Karaoke tonight.” Genji looks up at Hanzo with a nod and adorably grim determination, “I want Mr. McCree and Olivia to win.”

“You’re absolutely right. It simply won’t do to support the enemy of our allies.” Hanzo replies with the same graveness to his voice. “We must aid them in taking Susan down. Would you like some haystack cookies, Genji?”

“Yeah!” Genji smiles wide, “Oh! Can we help another way too? I want to play Spies!”

Hanzo hums thoughtfully, looks over at Jesse with a knowing smirk that makes the cowboy blush, “Well it would make up for the blueberry incident of yesterday.”

Both brothers turn towards Jesse and Olivia, needing clarification for the rules of today’s competition. The half siblings relay to the Shimada brothers the rules, after which Hanzo and Genji cryptically inform them both that they will be back within the next ten minutes or so for the haystack cookies and to speak of their findings.

True to their word, they return, though Genji seems to have convinced Hanzo to get him some cotton candy. He generously gives Olivia some while Hanzo leans across the table and ushers them all into a huddle.

“You’re not far from catching up to Susan,” Hanzo whispers conspiratorially, “You’re about forty behind her and her wretched machine. Genji is _very_ good at his numbers.” He adds the last part with a very visible sense of pride.

“If you ever see one of those guess the jellybean jars, I’m your guy.” Genji loudly whispers into the huddle, “I’ve won me and Hanzo _many_ jellybeans.”

“You’re teaching me how.” Olivia stage whispers back to him.

Hanzo taps a finger to his lips to hush them both so he may continue, “I believe I have a way to ensure your lead.”

There’s a mischievous glint in Hanzo’s eyes that makes Jesse’s stomach flip with both dread and anticipation. Hanzo must know exactly what he’s doing to Jesse because he winks.

“I’ve studied the rules closely, and I’ve conferred with a few of the adults whilst… witnessing the proceedings at the karaoke booth while giving Genji time to calculate the earnings in their money jar. There’s nothing in the rules against generous donations without partaking in the booth’s wares or games. Or against asking for rain checks from the booths. It’s all for charity, after all.”

Jesse can see where this is going, and he sweeps off his hat off of his head and runs a hand through his hair, “I’m guessin’ you’re gonna be our kind donor this evenin’? Help us close the gap?”

“Precisely.”

Jesse can’t help but smile, “That’s real sweet o’ ya, Mr. Shimada.”

“Please, call me Hanzo.” Hanzo replies with an easy smile that makes Jesse’s heart stutter.

“Heh, only if ya call me Jesse.”

Olivia and Genji both roll their eyes.

They all break form of their huddle and Hanzo fishes for his wallet. Olivia begins to bag some haystack cookies for the Shimada brothers. Suddenly, Genji tugs on Hanzo’s coat again.

“Taxidermy reject scarf, incoming!” Genji hisses.

“Fantastic word use.” Hanzo praises, lifting his head to where Genji motions.

Sure enough, Susan is waddling their way with a big crocodile smile on her face, assured of her victory, no doubt. That musty old scarf is still around her neck, just as it always is, and Jesse witnesses Hanzo step back towards him as she comes up to them both. Jesse can see the exact moment the smell of Susan’s scarf hits Hanzo, as his lip curls in a scowl. Susan’s attention is only on the cowboy today.

“Jesse~” Susan begins, always with over the top saccharine sweetness, “We’re tallying the donation jars now! If you want to bring it over to the main stage for the count?”

Jesse and Olivia both send Hanzo a quick look that they hope Susan doesn’t notice. Hanzo pointedly clears his throat, expression flipping from one of blatant distaste to a pleasant smile. Jesse wonders if Hanzo has ever taken drama classes before he went to law school.

“If you would be so kind as to wait just a moment, Mrs. Scott.” Hanzo definitely has some background in acting, Jesse decides, watching how effortless he makes this exchange look, “Or may I call you Susan?”

Susan smiles that flattered smile and Jesse knows Hanzo’s got her hook, line and sinker. “Of course, Mr. Shimada? What do you require?”

“As you’re well aware, due to my recent moving here, I’ve not had time to partake in the week’s events aside from the initial bake sale yesterday. Plus with my _busy_ schedule, I was regretfully unable to attend tonights festivities until the past half hour. Allow me to at least make a donation before the tallies go up.”

“Oh? Oh of course.” Jesse swears he sees Susan’s eye twitch briefly, “Every booth has a set charity. I’m sure we can find the one you would most like to donate to tonight!” 

Hanzo pretends to think it over, “It would be simpler to just donate to Jesse’s, would it not? His and young Olivia’s booth is right here.”

“Ah yes… it is.” Susan’s smile wanes only briefly, her eyes flicking over to the sizeable jar on the tabletop of Jesse’s booth.

“And I’m sure their charity is as worthy as any other.” Hanzo looks over to them pointedly.

“Yeah!” Olivia pipes up, once more using her adorableness for ~~evil~~ good, “Proceeds from the haystack cookies and cowboy kisses goes to the local Humane Society! Helping give puppies and kitties a loving home!”

Genji gasps with practised exaggeration, and Jesse wonders if he needs to nominate both Shimadas for the Oscar-worthy performance he’s witnessing.

“ _Hanzo!”_ Genji throws himself dramatically against Hanzo’s side, gripping his coat with desperation, “We gotta help the puppies!”

Hanzo gives Genji’s head a pat, “Looks like the choice is obvious.”

Jesse and Olivia watch as Hanzo pulls out his wallet and plucks a crisp one hundred dollar bill from a billfold. He purposely walks forward and places the bill in the jar with a smile. Jesse and Olivia grin from ear to ear.

“Thank ya kindly!” Jesse grins and places his hat purposely back on his head in order to tip it for Hanzo with a wink, “Them little doggies are gonna thank ya too!” 

“I should hope.” Hanzo leans close and rests his elbows on the tabletop, leaning his chin on the palm of one hand, “Though I will admit I wish to be a little selfish after all.”

“Oh.” Is all Jesse can say, completely caught off guard. “Might take me a while ta make ya a hundred haystack cookies, Hanzo.”

“As amazing as that sounds, I will decline the cookies.” Hanzo cocks his head to the side, his long hair spilling over his shoulder, “Would it be possible to take a rain check on the kisses?”

“O-on the kisses?!” Jesse just blinks owlishly, a blush creeping up his neck, completely forgetting about Susan. “That’s uh…”

“One hundred kisses.” Hanzo smirks.

“Give us another fifty and you can take him out to dinner.” Olivia interjects, popping up at Hanzo’s side, holding up the donation jar as Jesse sputters indignantly.

“Wonderful suggestion, Olivia.” Hanzo slips another fifty dollar bill into the jar.

Olivia tucks the jar under her arm after securing the lid to it and pumps her fist in victory, taking her spoils with her as she runs off toward the main stage. Hanzo motions for Genji to follow her, which he does in absolute glee, singing a song about saving puppies. Susan purses her lips and looks between Hanzo and Jesse suspiciously, before walking off in a huff to oversee the final stage of today’s contest.

Hanzo’s chuckle is what brings Jesse slowly back to reality.

“Oh, she is not pleased in the slightest.” Hanzo’s eyes are alight with mischief, “But I think she needs a taste of her own medicine, after rigging the bake sale in her favour.”

“No doubt.” Jesse agrees, “I think if we can take her down a few more pegs, maybe it’ll do her some good.”

“I think the PTA council needs an entire overhaul, if you ask me.” Hanzo answers truthfully.

“Oh? Goin’ right for unseatin’ her entirely after two days, I see. Ambitious.” Jesse remarks, leaning closer to Hanzo on his elbows.

“A trait I’ve always had.” Hanzo says with a smirk. “I will need assistance, though, someone who knows these contests like the back of his hand.”

“You suggestin’ we team up to bring the queen bee and her drones down?”

“It’s working in our favour, thus far.” Hanzo points out, and Jesse can’t help but agree. “We just need to figure out how she’s always coming out ahead, who she might be paying under the table to go along with her little schemes.”

“Really think we can get it done this week alone? It’s only the beginning of the school year.” Jesse can’t help but be a bit incredulous. Many have already tried for Susan’s seat, himself included. Hanzo, while evidently intelligent, cunning, and handsome as all hell, is only two days into experiencing Susan’s bullshittery.

“I’ve worked wonders with harsher deadlines.” There’s a dangerous lilt to Hanzo’s smile that makes Jesse believe every word.

“Well. We better get to work then.” Jesse agrees.

Hanzo hums in agreement, pulls a pen from his breast pocket. Jesse’s about to question what he’s doing when Hanzo simply holds out a hand for Jesse’s. Immediately when Jesse holds it out for Hanzo, Hanzo scrawls something neatly across his palm before clicking the pen with finality as he lets Jesse take his hand back to look.

“My phone number.” Hanzo answers Jesse’s unvoiced question, “You know, for further planning. For both Susan’s downfall and our dinner date.”

“Y’know Olive was just goadin’ ya on, right? To rub our win in Susan’s face more,” Jesse laughs nervously, “Ya don’t gotta take me out.”

Hanzo honest to God _pouts,_ and Jesse curses and thanks every God he can think of that this man exists, “How else am I to collect on the kisses I am owed?”

“I-I” Jesse doesn’t actually have an answer to that besides a blush, “I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed, you’re fine as all hell.” 

Hanzo seems to preen a little at that, “Do you have dinner preferences?”

“I ain’t picky.” Jesse scratches the back of his neck and can’t help but huff a laugh of disbelief. “You can pick the restaurant, Sugar.”

“You’re quick on the pet names~” Hanzo teases, making Jesse’s blush worse, “It’s alright, I don’t mind.”

“Good, because I got a lot, real sappy ones too. I doubt anyone ever has called ya their Honey-bee.”

“Can’t say they have, but I do find it most pleasant in your southern drawl, cowboy.” Hanzo replies with a smile.

“Oh my god.” Olivia’s loud voice laments from behind Hanzo, barely holding onto the giant Care Bear plushie that serves as a prize for the day’s contest, “They’re _still_ flirting.”

Genji only shakes his head in mock disappointment, “Hanzo, that’s so gross.”

Hanzo chuckles a little bit and turns to Jesse one last time. Gently he leans down, and after searching Jesse’s eyes for a brief moment, kisses him chastely on his mouth. Jesse can’t help the grin that spreads on his face mid-kiss.

“Ninety-nine kisses to go." Hanzo says as he pulls away.

Jesse stares after the Shimada brothers as they leave with a huge, sappy grin before he just leans onto the table and sighs. His contentment is shortly interrupted by Olivia shoving the giant Care Bear plush in his face.

“You’re carrying this for the rest of the night. Punishment for being a massive sap.” she purposely starts packing up the remainder of the haystack cookies, “You got it bad for him, geez. This is… extreme levels of Enamoured-o-Vision.”

Jesse has no defence against that, and begins to help Olivia clean up their booth before they head home for the night.

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

Jesse eventually gets the courage to text Hanzo a day later, shortly after leaving his shift at the bakery for the day. He’s gotta get Olivia packed up for the evening, as the third event for the Back to School Bonanza is a big sleepover in the gym, with a huge pancake breakfast the following morning.

This is a welcome respite for most parents and Jesse, since it allows them to take a break from the competitiveness between them all on the first two days of the event. It also leaves Jesse especially time to plot for the fourth and final day.

The event closes very similar to how it opens, except instead of a bake sale it’s a bake-off. Parent and child teams face off against each other to bake and decorate a mini cake, flavour entirely up to the team.

Now, one would assume Jesse would have such an event in the bag, since he has lived and breathed cakes for the better part of the last decade. But mysteriously, Susan always comes out on top.

There’s no way that’s happening this year.

So Jesse sends Hanzo a quick text on the way home, to see if he would like to come by tonight to help lend Jesse some ideas on what would floor the competition. Or maybe to just come hang out, now that they’re both without their siblings, that would work too. He doesn’t get an answer right away, so he focuses on making sure Olivia has all that she needs for the sleepover when he arrives home.

Olivia’s pretty good at preparing for sleepovers thankfully, so the most Jesse has to do is run down the checklist.

“Toothbrush?”

“Check!”

Olivia holds her purple kitty toothbrush aloft before she places it into a pouch in her backpack next to her toothpaste. The list Jesse rambles off continues as one would expect, it’s a routine they’ve perfected over the years. Though this time there are a few additions.

“Incredibly large stuffed bear that _jus’_ might be used to flaunt our victory from last night?” Jesse happily adds to this year’s checklist with a grin. 

Olivia looks from the huge bear to her already stuffed backpack and her bedroll, “He’s not gonna fit, Sheriff.”

“What d’ya suggest then, Deputy?”

Olivia puts on her best puppy dog eyes and holds the bear up to her half-brother. Jesse huffs a laugh and plucks it from her grasp and tucks the cumbersome bear under his arm.

“Alright, I getcha. Ya think ya got everythin’?” Jesse asks, and at Olivia’s nod, helps her load her backpack, bedroll and Care Bear into the truck before he locks up the house behind them.

They arrive at the school shortly before the event begins, and Jesse carries all of Olivia’s belongings into the gym for her. He’s helping her set up her bedroll when suddenly he’s tackle hugged from the side, a set of tiny arms clinging around his neck.

“Mr McCree!” Genji crows happily, “I have tackled you! Now you must hand over more of your haystack cookies!”

Jesse laughs and untangles Genji’s arms from around his neck, setting the younger Shimada aside as he rubs his neck, “If I’d known ya liked them so much I woulda made a batch jus’ for you.” Jesse twists his head to crack his neck, “Ya got a good amount of strength, kid.”

“Did you hear that, Hanzo? Mr. McCree says I’m strong!” Genji preens and puffs up proudly, turning back towards Hanzo who is just approaching them now, Genji’s backpack and sleeping bag thrown over his shoulder.

“Very strong.” Hanzo agrees, and turns to offer a smile at Jesse, “Good evening, Jesse. My apologies for not answering your text. I was helping Genji prepare for tonight.”

“No harm, I figured as much.” Jesse sends a smile back Hanzo’s way, ignoring Olivia fake gagging behind her giant bear. “I was just wonderin’ if ya wanted ta hang out tonight, since the little ones would be out of our hair.” Jesse reaches over and musses Olivia’s hair affectionately, and she bats at his hand with a mock scowl.

“It would be a perfect time to cash in on that dinner date.” Hanzo replies.

“Actually, yeah! Sounds great!” Jesse agrees. “Let me just finish up gettin’ Olive here set up for tonight, and I’ll meet ya out front?”

“That’s agreeable.” Hanzo smiles and nods towards Olivia and turns to his baby brother,“You still need to pick out a spot to sleep, Genji.”

Genji looks around, at the vast majority of other kids here and almost curls into himself shyly. Jesse’s heart goes out to him, it ain’t easy being the new kid.

“Hey, why don’t ya stick with Olive?” Jesse suggests, “She’ll look out for ya, right?”

“Yeah! Stick with me!” Olivia says cheerily, “If anyone gives you trouble, I’ll give them a smack!”

“Hey now, that’s _if_ they smack ya first, because then it’s self-defence.” Jesse scolds playfully.

Both Hanzo and Jesse help their siblings set up their sleeping arrangements for the night. Genji, still despite Jesse’s and Olivia’s reassurances, is still looking rather anxious at the prospect of being left at the school without his elder brother close by. Hanzo notices and surprises Genji by pulling out a long, lovingly worn dragon plushie from his own saddle bag. Genji gasps softly and reaches to pull the almost scarf-like toy to himself, bunching it up in his arms and holding it close.

“Ramen. A stuffed toy Genji has had since he was a babe.” Hanzo says in answer to Jesse’s questioning look, “He’d thought he didn’t need her tonight, but I brought her just in case.”

“Aw. She looks well loved.” Jesse smiles encouragingly at Genji, who looks a little self-conscious. “She your favourite, Genji?”

“Yeah! Hanzo got her for me a long time ago, because I’m too young for a dragon like his.” Genji says, tugging pointedly at Hanzo’s left sleeve that conceals the full tattoo of the dragon that spans his entire arm, “He says if I’m good and continue to do well in school, when I’m done high school I can get a dragon like his if I still want one.”

“Neat!” Olivia turns to Jesse expectantly.

“When you’re older, and ya can pay for it yourself.” Jesse says, poking her pointedly on the nose, “Other than that, we all set here?”

“Yeah!” both of the younger siblings say in unison.

“We’re both only a call away if you want to come home.” Hanzo says, giving Genji and affectionate hair ruffle, “We’ll drop everything and come running.”

Jesse gives Olivia one final pat on the head as Hanzo finishes up fussing over Genji. Together they make their way out of the gym, though Hanzo keeps looking back. Jesse reaches over and gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as they leave the gymnasium and enter the hallway.

“First time lettin’ him outta your sight?” Jesse guesses, keeping his stride even with Hanzo’s. 

“Yes. We’ve rarely been apart since leaving Japan.” Hanzo confesses, “I’m reluctant to leave him too long alone but I don’t wish to coddle him too much.”

“Yeah, I get it. I was the same way when Olive came into my care. She was jus’,” Jesse pauses and thinks, “Jus’ so little. Had a massive anxiety attack the first night, but I heard her cryin’ and I jus’… snapped outta it and vowed ta be the best big brother she could ever want.”

“Are your parents not around?” Hanzo voices, concerned. “Have they…”

“Oh, it ain’t nothin’ like that.” Jesse interrupts, shrugs, “Me an’ Olive are blood through our momma, an’ she loves us to the moon an’ back, but she ain’t the type ta raise kids. I was raised by my grandparents. They passed away shortly after I turned twenty, and then one day my momma shows up at the house with Olive. She drops in from time to time still. Mostly ‘round the holidays. She travels the world doin’ all sorts of articles, we’ve gotten gifts from all over.”

“Sounds like an interesting woman.” Hanzo says with a soft smile.

“My Grandaddy said I got my spitfire from ‘er. I guess that means Olive’s got it too.” Jesse says with a laugh.

“I can see that. You two make a formidable team.”

“Thank ya.” Jesse says with a wide smile. “So are you and Genji. If ya were privy to how the first school week goes around here, I doubt we’d be workin’ so well together. Though I’d rather have a rival like you then Susan. Pretty sure you’d do things fair and square.”

“Hm.” Hanzo raises an eyebrow and looks Jesse over, “Considering how it takes very little effort for me to distract you I don’t think I would need to go to such lengths.”

Jesse blushes and playfully swats at Hanzo’s shoulder, “Ya don’t gotta come for my life like that, Darlin’. I take it back, ya don’t play fair at all.”

“Your fault for underestimating me.” Hanzo playfully walks into Jesse’s path to lightly shoulder check him.

“Y’know what, that’s fair.” Jesse leans down so he’s right eye to eye with Hanzo, “Would there still be kisses in this rivalry timeline?”

“Oh, of course.” Hanzo says with a huge grin, eyes glittering with that same mischief Jesse’s come to adore, “We’re the gossip of the parent circles, our love affair a long arduous back and forth, every moment a will they or won’t they. Until it comes to a head where we both realize it’s more than rivalry fuelling our feud, but the need to impress our would-be suitor.”

“Am I as ruggedly handsome in this alternate timeline as I am in this reality?”

“Naturally!” Hanzo agrees with a laugh, leaning into Jesse’s space.

Jesse wraps an arm around Hanzo’s shoulders and smiles wide when it makes the shorter man only lean into him more, both of them suppressing giggles. Jesse presses a kiss to Hanzo’s temple. Hanzo hums softly at the gentle gesture.

“Is that one of my ninety-nine remaining kisses?” He voices, pulling Jesse to a stop in the school corridor.

“Nah, that one’s on the house.” Jesse says with a small smile, stepping into Hanzo’s space and placing his forehead against the shorter man’s, “Ya still got ninety-nine.”

“May I collect a few of the ones I’m owed, then~?”

“O’ course!” Jesse says with a laugh, dipping to smooch Hanzo gently.

Many soft, sweet kisses are exchanged, and Jesse’s pretty sure neither of them are actually keeping count. It feels like they’re teenagers, stealing soft explorative kisses in secret, Jesse eventually gently crowding Hanzo against a wall. There’s the sound of a heavy door closing in the distance that makes them both part.

“No one should be on that end of the school at this hour.” Hanzo says with a serious frown, turning up to look at Jesse, “Right?”

“Right.” Jesse pulls away and tugs Hanzo along quickly, “We should check it out.”

Both men head towards the sound, turning the corner to find the Home Ec classroom lit up. Hanzo motions for Jesse to stay behind him as he sneaks forward, and when they’re certain whomever is rooting around inside is unaware of their presence, both peer through the ajar door.

Inside Susan, recognizable despite her black outfit, sunglasses and headscarf ensemble by that damningly horrendous scarf, flits about. A pink cake box is held in her hands. The room is set up for tomorrow’s bake-off, and Hanzo and Jesse watch as she places her package into the fridge of her and her son’s designated cooking area. Both of them duck when she rights herself and turns back towards the door for the briefest moment, though they inch back up to peer into the room again when she doesn’t make to leave just yet. Hanzo fishes out his phone, and flicks it to the camera app. They both watch as she considers something for a moment, and strides purposely towards what will be Jesse and Olivia’s bake station. With a smirk, Susan drags the appliances out and unplugs the refrigerator and stove.

“T-that daughter-of-a—“ Jesse starts, but Hanzo clamps a hand over his mouth and drags him quickly away from the door into the boys bathroom a short distance away when Susan begins to make her exit. 

Hanzo keeps watch from the barely ajar bathroom door as Jesse paces and seethes. Susan turns the lights off and makes her exit, and as soon as she’s clear around the corner Hanzo pulls Jesse back out into the hallway and into the now empty Home Ec room.

“I knew it! I knew she was a rat.” Jesse growls out, walking over and replugging in the stove and refrigerator on his and Olivia’s bake station. “It all makes sense!”

“I mean, she wears a rat around her neck. Or a few, a scarf that length would need many.” Hanzo voices as he walks over to the refrigerator at Susan’s bake station. He opens it and fishes out the cake box and flips open the lid, his eyes lighting up, “Oh, strawberries.”

“At least her deceit has fruit I guess.” Jesse huffs, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter. “Can’t believe it, I know exactly what she’s gonna do! She’s gonna swap out her bake-off cake for that one! I always knew her cakes looked too damn professional.”

Hanzo hums in thought, plucks a strawberry off of the cake and eats it nonchalantly. Jesse only raises his eyebrows at him. Hanzo plucks another fruit off and offers it to him.

“Are we eating her cheat cake?” Jesse says incredulously.

“Yes.” Hanzo says, “What is she going to do? Accuse us of eating her cake she purposely _snuck_ in to hide in _her_ bake station?”

Jesse stares at Hanzo and then the cake, and lean in to eat the offered strawberry. Hanzo smirks and flips the cake box lid closed. He motions for Jesse to follow him back out the door and both make a hasty retreat out into the night.

“Your car or mine?” Hanzo asks, eyes glittering with mischief again.

“…Mine. I think I got a place we can go.” Jesse leads Hanzo to his truck, and soon they’re pulling out of the parking lot.

Soon the night finds them out on the outskirts of the city, under all the stars, eating cake in the bed of Jesse’s truck. Jesse’s got a multitool he carries around that includes a spork, so they share it, feeding each other bits of cake. Hanzo seems to love the strawberries the best, so Jesse lets him have them.

“So,” Hanzo says after they close the cake box up for the time being, “how are we taking her down? Let her crash and burn under her own hubris?”

Jesse hums, “I think I got a few ideas. Should we let her think that she’s got the drop on us? She did actively try ta sabotage me an’ Olive. We should let her think she won, then sweep it out under her feet.”

“Any type cake counts, right?” Hanzo drums his fingers on his knee as he thinks.

“Yeah, as long as it can be done within the time limit. We got three hours for the prep, bake time an’ decoratin’.”

Hanzo nods and the drumming intensities as he thinks, his gaze calculative, “Relay to me the rules?”

“Basically anythin’ goes, you gotta bring your own ingredients, it has to be a cake, and it has to be in proper cake form by the end of the time limit. Pretty basic stuff.”

“Is there anything in the rules against the ingredients being pre-mixed?” Hanzo asks innocently.

Jesse opens his mouth, closes it, furrows his brows in thought before he turns back to Hanzo.

“Y’know what… there ain’t.”

“Hm. Imagine that.” Hanzo says tilting his head, eyes glittering again.

“Anyone tell ya you’re damn scary smart sometimes?” Jesse admits, with every ounce of the fledgeling affection he holds for Hanzo in his voice.

“Once or twice,” Hanzo replies with a wide smile. “Never with so much admiration, though.”

 

— — — — — — — — —

 

The next and final day of the Back to School Bonanza dawns bright and cheery. The kids who slept overnight at the school get a delicious pancake breakfast, as promised.

Jesse doesn’t reunite with Olivia until the bake-off is set to start, where she meets him in the Home Ec room at their bake station. Jesse helps her don an apron and braid her hair back.

“Have fun?” he asks her as he wraps a hair tie around the end of her braid.

“Oh yeah, tons. Everyone was so jealous of my giant Care Bear.” Olivia rubs her hands together and gives Jesse a big grin, “We started off this year rough, Sheriff, but I think we can pull it back. And maybe wipe the floor with you-know-who.”

“Oh, I’m real confident, Deputy.” Jesse replies with a wink.

“Oh, did some plotting without me? You’re learning fast.” Olivia says with a grin.

“Yep.” Jesse grins, “I think we got this in the bag.”

“Heck yeah!” Olivia hops in place excitedly, “What are we making?”

“No bake cheesecake.”

“Ooo! pushing the boundaries of the contest, are we? Bold. I like it.” Olivia opens their fridge and looks at their ingredients, specifically the cream cheese and graham cracker crust mix, “Pre-mixed, is that allowed?”

“No rules against it.” Jesse whispers, pressing a finger to his lips as the rest of the competing teams gather for the run down of the rules.

Susan, for her part, is fashionably late with her son in tow, come from grocery shopping for ingredients if the bags hanging off her arms are any indication. Jesse spots a carton of strawberries amongst them as she hastily unloads as the teams set to work. He’ll give Susan credit, she’s dedicated to her act. Maybe when her fraud bites her in the butt, he’ll see if he can nab some of those strawberries for Hanzo

Well, after he lets Hanzo have a slice of the cheesecake. Jesse’s gonna top it off with fresh strawberries and chocolate sauce, since Hanzo has done a lot for him. Plus, nothing wrong with wooing your hopefully soon to be _official_ boyfriend with a delicious cheesecake.

With the crust mix prepped, all Jesse has to do is spread it around a pan at a measured thickness and let it cool for ten minutes before he can pour the filling in. It’s going to be cutting it super close, as cheesecake can take hours to set correctly using this method, but Jesse’s in his element, and he’s been baking a long time.

Olivia, for her part, is helping prep a smaller cheesecake dish that will be the sample for the judges. Jesse gives her pointers when she asks, and before long both of their cheesecakes are in the fridge to set. Jesse catches Susan looking over their way with a barely concealed smug grin. Jesse tips an imaginary hat to her and she curls a lip in distaste.

_Oh Susan, just you wait._

While the cheesecake is setting, Jesse and Olivia work on making a homemade chocolate sauce. Jesse steals a glance over at Susan again, who’s smug grin has faded once she realizes Jesse and Olivia’s bake station’s stove is still working despite her attempted sabotage. Serves her right.

The rest of the bake-off passes by in a blur, and after prepping the strawberries to place on top, it’s time to retrieve the cheesecakes. The small sample one and the larger one for Hanzo has set beautifully, but the decoration phase will have to go fast, as there is only thirty minutes left on the clock.

Olivia and Jesse artfully place the strawberries on top of the sample cheesecake and drizzle the chocolate sauce on. When they move onto the big cake, Olivia starts placing the sliced strawberries in the shape of a heart. At Jesse’s incredulous look, she snorts.

“Oh please. You don’t like strawberries this much.” She rolls her eyes at him, “I’m guessing a certain Shimada brother does, though.”

“Can I go twenty-four hours without someone callin’ me out like this.” Jesse grouses, “I feel so attacked.”

“How about you attack these strawberries instead, they won’t place themselves.” Olivia says, pointedly handing Jesse some of the fruit slices, “I can tease you about your dumb crush as much as I want later, but right now it’s cheesecake time.”

Olivia’s right, so they both set to work. Soon, their strawberry heart is complete, and the last of the chocolate sauce is drizzled on and the sides of the pan removed just as the buzzer sounds. Jesse high fives Olivia and they take their cheesecake to submit to the judging panel. They pass Susan, who looks absolutely livid, and her cake a sad mess of strawberries and icing. It’s leaning pitifully towards one side, and Jesse takes some satisfaction in the confusion on the judge’s faces, after years of Susan’s seemingly flawless cakes.

Oh, how the mighty fall.

The judging panel takes their time to delegate after tasting all the cakes, and soon they’re passing around the prizes. Jesse and Olivia exit the Home Ec room with a fancy blue ribbon and their larger cheesecake boxed up to go. It’s not first place, that went to a Baked Alaska, which was the most ambitious feat done in the bake off to date, so Jesse’s not at all bothered losing to such a dessert. Anyone who can figure out how to bake ice cream and not melt it and have to deal with setting fire to meringue on top of it all deserves first place and then some.

Genji is waiting for them in the school yard when the exit the building, and Jesse has to make sure he’s got a good grip on the cheesecake box when the kid runs up and slams into his side for another tackle hug.

“Did you win?” he asks excitedly.

“Second place!” Olivia waves their ribbon above her head triumphantly before allowing Genji to hold it. “And Susan got _nothing._ It was _great._ I’ve never seen her cakes look so… pathetic.” 

“I’ll tell ya why when we get home.” Jesse promises.

Genji blinks and lowers his voice, “Is it about her cheating?”

“She cheats?!” Olivia gasps, but is immediately shushed by both Genji and Jesse. She lowers her voice to a hushed whisper, “Oh, I knew she was shifty.”

“Hanzo can sniff out lies. It’s why he’s such a good lawyer.” Genji states like it’s absolute fact, “He figured she was up to no good the first day he saw her. When she acted like that after witnessing your blueberry incident… well he called her things I’m not allowed to repeat until I’m 20, Hanzo says.”

“Genji…Where is your brother now?” Jesse asks.

“Presenting his evidence.” Genji says with a smile. “He’ll be back shortly.”

Genji is correct in that, as soon Hanzo exits the school and walks to meet them. Not long after he steps to the group, Susan’s name is being called over the intercom.

“What did you do?” Jesse starts slowly.

“What I do best. Build a case, present my evidence, see justice served.” Hanzo tips his chin proudly and smirks, holding out his phone to show the video he took of her attempting to sabotage the competition, “Susan’s been removed from her position as head of the PTA council while the investigation into the past instances of her supposed wins is underway. The Principal is informing her of her demotion presently, I imagine.”

“Remind me to never get on your bad side.” Jesse voices with equal parts awe and terror, “Ever. You’d destroy me.”

“Good thing I like you.” Hanzo replies, tucking his phone away.

“You know his weakness.” Genji pointedly taps the side of the box containing the strawberry laden cheesecake, and then gives Jesse’s elbow a pat, “You’ll be fine.”

“We can share this to celebrate my promotion to PTA Council Head.” Hanzo says with a smirk as Jesse and Olivia’s jaw drop, “What? I told you I’d see Susan unseated within the week.”

“Yeah.” Jesse can only shake his head slowly in disbelief, “You’re downright terrifyin’, Darlin’.”

“I’m efficient.” Hanzo replies with that mischievous glint in his eye again, “Besides, I will need assistance, like I said before. Someone who knows the ins and outs of this school.”

“Do I get more smooches if I agree?” Jesse teases.

“Of course. You still owe me ninety-nine kisses.” Hanzo points out.

“Thought ya collected on some o’ those.”

“I wasn’t counting,” Hanzo states matter of factly and pokes Jesse’s chest, squints at Jesse suspiciously, “and neither were you.”

“Damn, you are good.” Jesse says with a laugh after a brief staring contest with Hanzo.

Both of the younger siblings share a look and an eye roll as the banter between their elder brothers continues. Though, both Olivia and Genji admit, becoming siblings in law down the line if both their brothers develop more than a dumb crush would be pretty damn sweet.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed these wild shenanigans!
> 
> The art for this piece can be found on tumblr  
> [here](http://torunnthorsdottr.tumblr.com/post/177583611184/story-httpsarchiveofourownorgworks15851031) and its done by the talented Torunnthorsdottr!
> 
> If you wanna chat at me about McHanzo or any other of the pairings I ship, catch me on my fic tumblr [Angstgremlin](http://angstgremlin.tumblr.com)


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